It’s the most favoritest thing for “people” to talk about - all the bitch fights that happen between women in the (comedy/entertainment/political/younameit) industry. And it makes most of us ladies pissed, right? We’re SOOOO ready to move on and have our gender be the norm and not some bizarre expression of diversity, circus-ed around for the titillation of the sleeping masses.
Unfortunately, we’ve still got a long way to go.
For all our achievements women are still selling each other out at every step. In fact, I titled this post “Bitch Fight” because I suspect more people will read it looking for some sensational story about women tearing each others eyes out, than if it were labeled “Women. 3 steps to promote harmony.”
Well, I’ve got some simple advice for my fellow vagina-havers* that should, at the very least, aid in the elimination of all this ridiculousness…
Number One: STOP GOSSIPING ABOUT OTHER WOMEN IN YOUR SOCIAL/WORK CIRCLES! Gossip is the single most damaging thing we women do to each other. It’s undermining, it’s petty and it’s a complete waste of energy. It’s also pathetic. Bitching about people behind their backs is not an enlightened [read: grown up] way to deal with one’s issues. It reeks of weakness and it absolutely does not help the person you’re bitching about. Rather it keeps them in the dark about behaviour they might actually be striving to free themselves of if only people would nut-up and lovingly indicate to them when it rears it’s ugly face. Rather than gossip, why not latch on to something you LIKE about a person and try spreading THAT rumor around. If you can’t find anything (really?!?!) then exercise neutrality and stay mum.
Number Two (a): STOP SELF-DEPRICATING IN COMPARISON TO ANOTHER WOMAN’S STRENGTHS! We should be at a point where we can revel in the glory of another woman’s successes without it being some bizarre of symbol of our own personal failures. In the presence of another woman’s accomplishments by all means congratulate her but do so without a trace of self-pity, disappointment or, worse, jealousy/envy. Every time you pair a “Wow! Congratulations,” with an “I guess I’m NEVER gonna get anywhere…” or “You’re so lucky <sniff>” or “Why doesn’t anything good ever happen to me…” you are undermining the positivity and trying - albeit unconsciously - to make the other woman feel bad about her achievements. And, therefore, incrementally infecting her with self-doubt, isolation and regret.
Number Two (b): FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP LOOKING EACH OTHER UP AND DOWN! What the fuck is going on? I am SHOCKED at the amount of times I’ve witnessed this. This is not an appropriate way to behold ANY human being, especially not another woman. What’s with this painfully slow, head-to-toe-to-head screening process some of you have adopted? Do you think it is imperceptible? It’s not! Do you think it makes you powerful? It does not! Do you think you will gain something from this blatant display of judgement? You will - the ”Bitch!” label. When you are introduced to a new person why don’t you try looking into their eyes and really MEETING them?! If you find something about them that is disarming - maybe it’s her looks, maybe it’s her body, maybe she’s rich, maybe she’s famous, maybe she has a sharp wit, maybe she is holding the nobel prize for ANYTHING in her hands, maybe she discovered the cure for cancer, or maybe she’s just a fucking normal, grounded, individual, WHATEVER! - you are welcome to compliment her but do it with feeling and do it with integrity. And if you can’t because of your deep damage and non-existant self-esteem, then don’t bother. Keep your “opinions” to yourself until you are adult enough to do it without all that baggage. It is embarrassing to be the recipient of a compliment loaded with regret, self-pity, jealousy and/or envy.
I’m not even going to go into the way we ladies think it’s OK to covet each others mates. Just stop it!
There are so many methods we, as women, cut each other down - and, OK, I’ll yield that most of it is not necessarily done consciously - but the sooner we females take responsibility for our personal involvement in this horrendous, centuries-old, goddess war-fare, the sooner we will rise to be the leaders we are destined to be. And the better it will be for everyone.
*All the above also applies to non-vagina-havers, ex-vagina-havers and new vagina-havers, alike.